• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Mark Slemons

  • About
  • Podcast

Mark Slemons / April 30, 2018

LTL 060: Do You Have Control Of Yourself


I like to think that I try to avoid wasting time and admittedly, there are instances when my self-control is lacking. Sometimes I can redeem these moments by being intentional, even in my “down” time, to fuel some creativity or insight. I’ll give you an example. I watched a very tense Game Six between the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Utah Jazz here in Salt Lake City on Friday night. In almost every respect, this could be termed a “waste” of time with the exception of the entertainment value that it provides. In this case, it was anything but; however, I didn’t plan it that way. It raised this important little question: do you have control of yourself?

Like the Loverboy song “Working for the Weekend”, it turned into “Everyone’s watching, to see what you will do, Everyone’s looking at you!” I know – you haven’t heard that song in like 37 years, so the link is in the show notes…

So let me give you a little context. Oklahoma City entered the game in a must-win situation. NBA playoff games are decided in a best-of-seven series. Utah entered that game with a 3-2 series lead after a meltdown in Game five on Wednesday evening in Oklahoma City where they gave up a 25-point lead in the second-half and lost by eight, 107-99.

The series has been physical. And I mean a LOT of contact. As you might expect, there is the lack of consistency in calls by the referees. Watch a game and witness the meltdowns – they are continuous. Coaches/players/fans, you would think life is coming to an end. In the Real Salt Lake game on Saturday night, Brooks Lennon spent so much time crying to the ref about a missed call that he left his team short defensively…and Vancouver scored a goal.

This happens WAY more than it should to supposed professionals. Have you ever seen a ref change his mind about the call?

This is the first BIG lesson for today. I only have three for you to remember and this is the first one:

Don’t Depend On Others For Your Win

We see this a lot when people want to “ride the coattails” of someone else’s email list or audience. Or how about networking? This is a fantastic example of an everyday moment where we might not have thought through the implications of our attempts to connect. Do you attempt to connect in a spirit of service to another or do you attempt to connect with an intended benefit for yourself?

When you focus on personal benefit, you look much harder for the “foul”. It’s that place where you feel treated unjustly or not reciprocated for effort given.

For more on this, go check out Erik Fisher’s interview with Scott Gerber on his Beyond The To Do List podcast episode 219 called Networking vs. Connecting in Business Relationships. Scott is the CEO of the Community Company and has written a book on networking called “Superconnector: Stop Networking and Start Building Business Relationships that Matter. Very quickly, I’ll give you my takeaway: we must enhance and strengthen our connections intentionally. And it looks quite the opposite when it’s self-serving.

Scott gives this example in the podcast. I’m paraphrasing, but he says “Has this ever happened to you? You get a new friend request or connection request on social media. All of sudden the new requester has decided that you both are now best friends. Remember, you don’t know each other, it’s a new acquaintance. Now all of a sudden, they are introducing you to their contacts as if he/she knows you SO WELL and what you are capable of, your strengths, how you can help them earn six figures in six months, etc… and presents a great risk to your reputation and brand. There a lot at stake here with a whole bunch of people you have never met.

OR, even worse, your new best friends wants you to connect them to people in your personal network. I don’t know about you – I’m very cautious and hesitant to bring people into contact with those I respect and admire without having established an understanding of them first. The way I see it, I have been entrusted with a special relationship (a connection) and I want to protect that from being misused or abused.

Control Thyself

So back to the game, in the first half of Friday’s game six, the Thunder were in control. The Jazz were down by nine points 20 mins into the game. On one particular play, Russell Westbrook, remember him? Last season’s MVP? Yeah, he’s still ALL THAT! He gets out on a breakaway and throws down a vicious slam on the other end. He’s screaming for a second or two as the emotion just dumps out of him and he turns and looks at the fans (camera on him) and let’s the ‘f-bomb’ fly at the fans.

Now I know we might have differing views on this and this is my podcast so I get to say what I think. The lack of good sportsmanship that I see in players, fans, and coaches is appalling. I get emotion. I play with a bit of it myself. I’m competitive and hate to lose…at anything. Cards, video games, trivia, Chutes and Ladders….well, I honestly don’t remember the last time I played that, but you get my point. In a lot of ways, I wear my emotions on my sleeves and that’s not very pretty sometimes.

Having the ability to control emotions is a critical characteristic of effective leadership. I’m not saying being emotionless is a critical characteristic, but always keeping the highs/lows in-check. When things are spiraling downward faster than a toilet flush, you don’t go into the dumps. When you are killing it, you don’t become euphoric.

It’s a characteristic that your people are looking for in a great leader. Consistency. They can count on you to bring your best and not fear a berating based on your mood. That evenness portrays a lack of bias. How you view me isn’t going to depend on the circumstances of the last 30 secs or 30 days.

Managing the highs and lows conveys to your team that you know how to keep emotions in check to produce the best outcome for the team.

Back to the game. Through a series of events, some seemingly miraculous play by Jazz rookie Donovan Mitchell, and a bit of defensive frustration by the Thunder, the teams wound up tied at 41 apiece going into half-time. You can imagine, tensions are high and as previously mentioned, the game is VERY physical. During play, some fouls are getting called, others aren’t and I expect both teams feel somewhat disadvantaged by the reffing. So, you know how the cameras often switch to the players heading to their respective tunnels as they head for the halftime regrouping? Well, they show Westbrook headed out and a fan is chirping and I’m sure it’s something nasty, right?! And Westbrook has to be restrained as he goes after the fan. This leads to lesson three and the reference to our episode’s 80’s rockband rep Loverboy: everyone is watching to see what you will do.

Admit It When You Blow It

Understandable, right? Maybe you’ve had someone say something to you that was totally uncalled for. It’s hateful or downright abusive. The response in that situation might be more critical than you think. What I find so incredible about this is that it happened again at the end of the game. So, the Thunder lose the game 96-91, lose the series four games to two, and exit the playoffs.

A bitter pill to swallow no matter as a result of expectations. I don’t think that players are too worried about other’s expectations – they struggle with their own. What they wanted from themselves, what they needed from each other. They are their own worst critic just like many of you are.

Failed expectations can’t be used to justify uncontrolled or enraged responses. Why? It doesn’t change the outcome. So at the end of the game, the camera swings back to Westbrook as he’s walking toward their tunnel and a fan has phone camera recording the exit of the downtrodden Thunder. Westbrook takes a slap at the guy’s hand and is restrained again from going after the fan. The man and his wife seem to have looks of shock on their faces.

I’m sure Westbrook heard something and thought it came from this guy, took a swipe and acted like he was ready to fight. At his press conference at the end of the game, the question obviously comes up about these two incidents.

“I didn’t confront fans; fans confronted me,” Westbrook said. “Here in Utah, man, a lot of disrespectful, vulgar things are said to the players here with these fans. It’s truly disrespectful. Talk about your families, your kids. It’s truly disrespectful to the game, man.” Can you imagine? I’m sure it’s true. I suspect that in Russell’s 10-year career, he’s heard some horrible, horrible things said about himself, his family, probably even his pets, etc… Hopefully his five-year, $205M contract takes some of the sting away.

As I said previously, it’s appalling to witness the lack of sportsmanship amongst fans, players, coaches, alike. He went on to say “I think it’s something that needs to be brought up,” he continued. “I’m tired of just going out and playing, then the fans saying whatever the hell they want to say. I’m not with that. If I was on the street, they wouldn’t just come up to me and say anything crazy, because I don’t play that s—. So, to disrespect me and do whatever they want to do needs to be put to a stop, especially here in Utah.”

Ultimately, those words stick in the long-term memory of fans. I suspect it won’t have the desired effect – i.e. greater civility from UT fans that next time the Thunder are in town next season. Actually, it might have the opposite effect. That’s not to say that Russell is wrong. Something should be done…to ALL that participate in behavior that denigrates the meaning of sport. Put yourself in this circumstance. What would you have done? How would you have responded? In this situation, what is a reasonable expectation, not just of others, but yourself?

I think it would have changed everything if Russell had apologized for losing control of his emotions (justified or not). The day after the game, a reporter from a local news station interviews the man who was recording the team’s exit. The reporter reveals that the fan didn’t say anything to Westbrook and was just recording the team leaving the stadium. The fan did what the leader, last year’s league MVP, should have done: took the high road. The fan said essentially no harm, no foul and he hopes that Russell comes back to UT soon and ended by saying “I don’t have anything against him.”

I’m not hating on Westbrook; rather, I feel for the position he and others regularly find themselves. Because someone is always watching, a seemingly inconsequential moment can become a major barrier to progress.

So remember, don’t depend on others for your win, control thyself, and admit it when you blow it. They say that character shows itself when no one else is watching. At other times, character is front and center in the public eye. How a leader responds when confronted with unwarranted behavior in public can dramatically impact his or her reputation.

Choose wisely!

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Beyond the To Do List podcast Episode 219

The Community Company

Loverboy Everbody’s Working For The Weekend

Thanks for Listening!

I want to hear from you! Reach out and:

  • Leave a note in the comment section below.
  • Email a question to mark@markslemons.com.
  • Share this show on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn.

Subscribe to the show using your favorite platform: iTunes | Stitcher | Android | RSS

Finally, I would appreciate your honest review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read each one.

Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!

Share this:

  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email

Filed Under: Leader to Leader Podcast Tagged With: Beyond The To Do List Podcast, Brooks Lennon, Donovan Mitchell, Erik Fisher, Everybody's Working For The Weekend, Game Five, Game Six, Loverboy, NBA Playoffs, Oklahoma City Thunder, Real Salt Lake, Russell Westbrook, Scott Gerber, self-control, Superconnector: Stop Networking and Start Building Business Relationships That Matter, The Community Company, Utah Jazz, Vancouver Whitecaps

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • LTL 144: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Four December 9, 2019
  • LTL 143: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Three December 2, 2019
  • LTL 142: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Two November 25, 2019
  • LTL 141: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part One November 18, 2019
  • LTL 140: Consistency Revisisted And The Difficulty Of Things Worthwhile November 11, 2019
  • LTL 139: A Controversy Regarding Forgiveness November 4, 2019
  • LTL 138: The Value Of Humility And Momentum October 28, 2019
  • LTL 137: Move Past Resentment To Take Control Of Your Future October 21, 2019
  • LTL 136: Why Leaders Can’t Afford The High Cost Of Resentment October 14, 2019
  • LTL 135: Four Solid Principles Supporting Team Growth October 7, 2019
  • LTL 134: Distinctives And What Makes Us Different September 30, 2019
  • LTL 133: Responding When Thrust Into The Unexpected September 23, 2019
  • LTL 132: Building People, Teams, and Processes with Micah Rowland Part Two September 16, 2019
  • LTL 131: Building People, Teams, and Processes with Micah Rowland Part One September 9, 2019
  • LTL 130: The Labor Inspector September 3, 2019
  • LTL 129: Your Past Makes You Human August 26, 2019
  • LTL 128: Creating A Thriving Environment For Growth August 19, 2019
  • LTL 127: Overcoming Your Pain To Step Into Your Greatness August 12, 2019
  • LTL 126: Excellence: We Are What We Repeatedly Do August 5, 2019
  • LTL 125: Four Areas Of Focus To Increase Excellence July 29, 2019
  • LTL 124: What Does Excellence Look Like In Leadership July 22, 2019
  • LTL 123: Why Winning Does Not Equal Success July 15, 2019
  • LTL 122: Preventing Expectations From Producing Failure July 8, 2019
  • LTL 121: Taking An Unconventional Path To CEO With Carey Jenkins Part Two July 1, 2019
  • LTL 120: Taking An Unconventional Path To CEO With Carey Jenkins Part One June 24, 2019
  • LTL 119: Obsession, Opportunity, and Superstition June 17, 2019
  • LTL 118: The Business Of Language – An Interview With Lelani Craig Part Two June 10, 2019
  • LTL 117: The Business Of Language – An Interview With Lelani Craig Part One June 3, 2019
  • LTL 116: Why Success Start With Service May 27, 2019
  • LTL 115: To Be A Great Leader You Must Have This May 20, 2019
  • LTL 114: Now That’s A Good Question May 13, 2019
  • LTL 113: The Unintentional Impact Of Careless Conversations May 6, 2019
  • LTL 112: Some Final Thoughts On Liminal Space April 29, 2019
  • LTL 111: The Best Actions To Take During Uncertainty April 22, 2019
  • LTL 110: Getting Comfortable With Uncertainty April 15, 2019
  • LTL 109: Leading While Leaving – When It Was Not Your Choice April 8, 2019
  • LTL 108: Leading While Leaving: My Story April 1, 2019
  • LTL 107: Leading While Leaving – Things You Must Never Do March 25, 2019
  • LTL 106: Leading While Leaving – Things You Must Always Do March 18, 2019
  • LTL 105: Why It’s Good That You Don’t Know Everything March 11, 2019
  • LTL 104: Level Up Your Leadership March 4, 2019
  • LTL 103: Where Are You In The Five Levels Of Leadership February 25, 2019
  • LTL 102: I Need To Set Limits But Where Do I Start February 18, 2019
  • LTL 101: The Art of Female Leadership: An Interview With Manu Sood Part Two February 11, 2019
  • LTL 100: The Art of Female Leadership: An Interview With Manu Sood Part One February 4, 2019
  • LTL 099: Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow January 28, 2019
  • LTL 098: Why You Fail To Connect January 21, 2019
  • LTL 097: Stop Toying With Dragons And Get Intentional January 14, 2019
  • LTL 096: The Definition Of Success January 7, 2019
  • LTL 095: Are You Measuring The Right Things December 31, 2018
  • LTL 094: What You Don’t Know About Stress December 24, 2018
  • LTL 093: On The Edge Of Burnout: The Indicators And How To Stop It December 17, 2018
  • LTL 092: A Burnout Tale December 10, 2018
  • LTL 091: Reducing Resistance When Approached With Need December 3, 2018
  • LTL 090: What Is Your Big Dream November 26, 2018
  • LTL 089: When Trust Is Broken (Part Two): Five Steps To Recovery November 19, 2018
  • LTL 088: When Trust Is Broken (Part One): Five Steps To Restore Trust November 12, 2018
  • LTL 087: The 180-Degree Leader And The Power Of Consistency November 5, 2018
  • LTL 086: 3 Reasons Why Marketing Matters In Leadership October 29, 2018
  • LTL 085: Catch Me If You Can: Detecting Lies When Negotiating October 22, 2018
  • LTL 084: A Massive Advantage As You Prepare For Your Next Negotiation October 15, 2018
  • LTL 083: Wake Up: Lessons From An Uber Driver October 8, 2018
  • LTL 082: Leading When Disaster Strikes October 1, 2018
  • LTL 081: Great Questions: The Key To Growth Part Two September 24, 2018
  • LTL 080: Great Questions: The Key To Growth Part One September 17, 2018
  • LTL 079: Endurance, Entrepreneurship, And Patience: An Interview With Brandon Bruce Part Two September 10, 2018
  • LTL 078: Endurance, Entrepreneurship, And Patience: An Interview With Brandon Bruce Part One September 3, 2018
  • LTL 077: The Question You Should Never Ask When Meeting Someone New August 27, 2018
  • LTL 076: Authentic Relationships As The Basis For EPIC Conversations August 20, 2018
  • LTL 075: Powering Through Discomfort To Authentic Connection August 13, 2018
  • LTL 074: Adapting To Change August 6, 2018
  • LTL 073: Acquiring A Positive Mindset July 30, 2018
  • LTL 072: Assess And Plan To Avoid the Pain Of Inaction July 23, 2018
  • LTL 071: Stop Acting Like The Smartest Person In The Room July 16, 2018
  • LTL 070: Wilting From The Inside Out: Get More Of This Critical Element! July 9, 2018
  • LTL 069: This Ability Will Determine Your Success As A Leader July 2, 2018
  • LTL 068: Reflect and Respond: Don’t React Part Two June 25, 2018
  • LTL 067: Reflect and Respond: Don’t React Part One June 18, 2018
  • LTL 066: Questions That Will Reveal Your Emotional Intelligence June 11, 2018
  • LTL 065: How To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence June 4, 2018
  • LTL 064: On A Scale Of Zombie To Oprah Rate Your Emotional Intelligence May 28, 2018
  • LTL 063: Sleep Facts You Can Use May 21, 2018
  • LTL 062: A Great Response To An Offensive Comment May 14, 2018
  • LTL 061: Recommit To The Battle Against Discouragement May 7, 2018
  • LTL 060: Do You Have Control Of Yourself April 30, 2018
  • LTL 059: Community Service: It’s Not Just For Hardened Criminals On Parole Anymore April 23, 2018
  • LTL 058: The Battle Against Self-Limiting Beliefs: An Interview With Val Brown Part Two April 16, 2018
  • LTL 057: The Battle Against Self-Limiting Beliefs: An Interview With Val Brown Part One April 9, 2018
  • LTL 056: Four Steps To Restore Calm After Losing Your Job April 2, 2018
  • LTL 055: I Have Some Bad News… March 26, 2018
  • LTL 054: A Leader’s Response To Abuse: An Interview With Marty Liccardo Part Two March 19, 2018
  • LTL 053: A Leader’s Response To Abuse: An Interview With Marty Liccardo Part One March 12, 2018
  • LTL 052: Why Consistency Is King March 5, 2018
  • LTL 051: Failure Isn’t Final February 26, 2018
  • LTL 050: Journey From Work Site To Corner Office: An Interview With Tom Jackson Part Two February 19, 2018
  • LTL 049: Journey From Work Site To Corner Office: An Interview With Tom Jackson Part One February 12, 2018
  • LTL 048: Influence Anyone In Seven Minutes Or Less February 5, 2018
  • LTL 047: Maintaining Momentum When Harassed By Hardship January 29, 2018
  • LTL 046: The Number One Priority For Every Leader January 22, 2018
  • LTL 045: How To Get The Feedback You Need January 15, 2018
  • LTL 044: Four Perspectives On Service January 8, 2018
  • LTL 043: Why Looking Forward Can Be As Distracting As Looking Back January 1, 2018
  • LTL 042: Leaders Listen December 25, 2017
  • LTL 041: Brag, Swag, or Sway: Why You Must Talk About Yourself – Part Two December 18, 2017
  • LTL 040: Brag, Swag or Sway: Why You Must Talk About Yourself – Part One December 11, 2017
  • LTL 039: The Most Difficult Person To Lead December 4, 2017
  • LTL 038: Respect: Stop Building Your Resume And Start Building A Legacy November 27, 2017
  • LTL 037: Unity: Primary Ingredient For Producing Exceptional Results November 20, 2017
  • LTL 036: Optimism: Greatness Awaits You November 13, 2017
  • LTL 035: Fortitude: Six Steps To Increase Your Ability To Endure November 6, 2017
  • LTL 034: A Consistent Trait Found In Great Leaders October 30, 2017
  • LTL 033: Your Higher Purpose: An Interview With Kevin Monroe October 23, 2017
  • LTL 032: No Excuses: Never Count A Great Leader Out October 16, 2017
  • LTL 031: Lonely At The Top: Tearing Down A Popular Leadership Myth October 9, 2017
  • LTL 030: Leading Through The Pain October 2, 2017
  • LTL 029: How To Cope With Difficult People September 25, 2017
  • LTL 028: The Floundering Founder: Character Matters For Great Leaders September 18, 2017
  • LTL 027: Your Leadership Ability Determines Your Effectiveness September 11, 2017
  • LTL 026: The Power Of Purposeful Connection September 4, 2017
  • LTL 025: Why You Must Resist The Urge To Settle August 28, 2017
  • LTL 024: Five Things I Learned At Influence & Impact August 21, 2017
  • LTL 023: Dream Stealers: Handling Encounters With Those Who Do Not Get You August 14, 2017
  • LTL 022: Are You My Type? More Tools For Building Team Trust August 7, 2017
  • LTL 021: Building Team Trust With Vulnerability July 31, 2017
  • LTL 020: The Science Of Trust: Characteristics Of Male And Female Leaders July 24, 2017
  • LTL 019: Can You Guess What Your Team Wants More Than Anything? July 17, 2017
  • LTL 018: Leading Without Manipulating July 10, 2017
  • LTL 017: Leading When No One Else Is July 3, 2017
  • LTL 016: Five Familiar Communication Challenges: Which One Will You Commit To Avoid? June 26, 2017
  • LTL 015: Leadership Advice From 30 Years In The Corner Office June 19, 2017
  • LTL 014: What To Do When Your Attitude Is Causing Your Implosion June 12, 2017
  • LTL 013: At The Roots: Leadership Lessons From A Charter High School June 5, 2017
  • LTL 012: I Do Not Need You May 29, 2017
  • LTL 011: Nothing To See Here…Move Along Please May 22, 2017
  • LTL 010: Brand vs Wild with Jonathan David Lewis May 15, 2017
  • LTL 009: You Want To Do What? May 8, 2017
  • LTL 008: Helping Women Live A Rich Life May 1, 2017
  • LTL 007: What To Do When You Are Asked To Compromise Your Integrity April 24, 2017
  • LTL 006: Uh This Does Not Look Like I Thought It Would April 17, 2017
  • LTL 005: What To Do When You Are Overworked And Underappreciated April 10, 2017
  • LTL 004: How To Get A Promotion When Your Boss Doesn’t Even Know Your Name April 3, 2017
  • LTL 003: What To Do When Team Morale Is Lower Than Congress Approval Rating March 27, 2017
  • LTL 002: What To Do When Your New Boss Is 20 Years Younger Than You March 20, 2017

Copyright © 2025 · Digital Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy