This is Part Two of my interview with Marty Liccardo. Part One can be found here. He’s here today to help us understand what a leader’s response to abuse should be and how to deal with a serious, complicated, and critically important topic. While it might make you uncomfortable, please press past this and learn how you can improve your skills handling sensitive situations. You can’t avoid it, so this process of learning to create positive outcomes becomes essential.
Marty has been an anti-violence educator and activist for over 15 years. He has extensive experience speaking and training students, faculty, and staff at colleges and universities around the US, as well as providing training programs in the public and private sectors. He provides in-depth and interactive presentations, programs, training, and keynote speeches. His unique style fuses humor and direct engagement to inform, guide, and support audiences into reflective critical thinking and active personal commitment. He helps us understand a what a leader’s response to abuse should be.
Marty’s professional career has focused on engaging with college and university students. He has an expansive range of programming and presenting experience. Currently, Marty serves as the Men’s Engagement Specialist for the Utah Department of Health, coordinating statewide efforts to engage men in anti-violence work. Additionally, he is the co-founder of the Men’s Anti-Violence Network (MAN) of Utah.
So, if you would like to learn more about the training and information that he provides, go to his website and you can see the Programs he offers, some of the clients he has served, and testimonials from satisfied customers. He’s bold and is addressing a topic that most aren’t willing to talk about and one that all leaders need to be capable of handling. The best part about it, seriously, it was one of the best training sessions that I have participated in during the last several years. He’s entertaining and has a story for everything.
Key Points From The Discussion:
- Don’t underestimate the potential risk of getting involved
- The situations we are more likely to encounter are the conversations that happen in men’s locker room or the women’s restroom
- Additionally, it’s much more likely you are going to encounter these circumstances with family members, friends, and acquaintances rather than complete strangers
- You are more likely to do something when you perceive others will be supportive of you, like what you are doing, and will be successful in doing something
- Go to trusted service providers or HR when you are concerned about someone
- Ask someone “Are you okay?” or “Do you need someone to talk to?” or you could also use “If you ever need help or support, I can provide you with names of resources and people that you can contact if you need help.”
- If someone tells you “Mind your own business!” then it’s okay – you did what you knew to do
- The indirect approach to interrupting violence: ask what time it is, ask for directions, as well as complimenting clothes or shoes can distract from the situation at hand
- The direct approach to interrupting violence: ask if you can help them, approach the potentially violent act with a group of people
- Decide whether you are talking to the target of the violence or the perpetrator of the violence
- Staged intervention is intervening before, during or after (applies to either the perpetrator or the target) – think of post-mortems, what could I/we have done differently and how do we make sure it doesn’t happen again and targets/victims are okay
- Use positional power, especially when you are highly respected in your organization
- Understand your values, and those of your company, to help direct your actions
- Be willing to have difficult, uncomfortable conversations
It’s trauma when someone experiences abuse, don’t flee the discussion. Would you express concern if they had been in a car accident? Of course, so express concern when they are abused. Don’t try to “fix” it – listening will make them feel safe and supported. You didn’t harm them, so you don’t have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
National Sexual Assault Hotline
Phone: (800) 656-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Phone: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
For information on sexual assault and rape in Utah:
Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Phone: (801) 746-0404
Utah Domestic Violence Council
Phone: (800) 897-LINK (5465)
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Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!