• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Mark Slemons

  • About
  • Podcast

Mark Slemons / December 3, 2018

LTL 091: Reducing Resistance When Approached With Need

In episode 90 of the Leader to Leader podcast, I shared about Scott Harrison’s big dream with charity:water. His mission is to bring clean drinking water to every person on earth. I don’t think you can even raise the topic of charity without raising resistance. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as a need is expressed, we start protecting ourselves, our assets, our time, etc… After all,

My Momma Didn’t Raise No Fool

Why is giving such a challenge for us? If I think that I’m about to be suckered or if I think you will take advantage of me, then, of course, I will raise my guard. Maybe I’m not certain where my money is going. Maybe you saw the recent news about the GoFundMe account that was set up to supposedly assist homeless veteran, Johnny Bobbitt. It appears that Kate McClure, Mark D’Amico and Mr. Bobbitt had intended to commit fraud. And, it’s not GoFundMe’s fault. People are going to find ways to manipulate and twist good things into bad no matter what they are. But I would caution you to…

Guard Against Cynicism

I was traveling a few weeks ago and had stopped into a fast food place to grab a sandwich on my way back to the hotel. As I go inside, I’m standing in line and there are only one or two people in front of me. I order my sandwich and I’m in line waiting to pay.

While I’m waiting, this younger gent comes in – I’d say he’s in his 20s, and he has this brochure in his hand. He approaches the woman who was in front of me as she’s leaving and they exchange a few words, not very animated, soft tones, and he moves in towards me. I’m thinking, “Okay, this is easy. I don’t live here so when he tells me about the event next door that’s happening next week, I’ll be like ‘Sorry, I don’t live here and won’t be in town next week.’ and that will be the end of it.”

You Don’t Know The Answer Before You Hear The Question

Or maybe he’s going to ask me if I have a job with a little fringe tear-off and I can call him to put him to work tomorrow. Or maybe he’s got his price list for his sunglasses for sale on the table around the corner. Now notice what I’m doing. I have NO idea what this gent is going to approach me with, but I’ve decided that I know and I know I’m not interested. And here’s an important point.

When it comes to the ask, stop acting like you know whether you should or shouldn’t before the words even come out of someone’s mouth. You likely have no idea what they are going to say, so stop being unreceptive until you hear them out.

Ouch

So I’ve got my list of excuses…except my list didn’t include one for what he wanted to talk about. His 10-year-old nephew had been shot and killed earlier that weekend, caught in the crossfire of a gang shooting. Another innocent paying the full price for someone else’s stupidity. So what was the young man doing in the restaurant? What was his soft-spoken request?

He was trying to raise money for the family to pay for the funeral expenses. His handwritten paper told the story and, in true marketing fashion, at the bottom were three options: $25, $50 or $75 dollars. No write-in, no $5 option, just an expectation that if you were taking the time to read, you would take the time to give.

He was right. I gave. Not $25, $50, or $75 – I gave him the only $5 bill I had in my wallet. He didn’t reject it. Instead, he thanked me for my kindness with a fist-bump and then disappeared out the door into the dark.

The story was real – it was all over the news. The shop manager didn’t seem bothered by his presence. And there certainly wasn’t anyone to vouch for him or confirm his supposed connection to the child or the family. It’s entirely possible that I was scammed. Who knows. Here’s what I do know: I’m not going to let my heart get to a place where it’s so hard that I won’t be open to the suffering of another person.

So this is the point:

You Have To Work To Stay Vulnerable

There’s a lot of wrongdoing out there. And if you think someone is just waiting to take advantage of you, you’re right. Likewise, if you think someone is out there that sincerely needs your help, you are also right. Imagine rejection after giving your heart to another. It’s risky to put yourself out there again but that risk pays off massively in terms of a life filled with joy and love.

It’s not easy though. I’m embarrassed to tell you this story, but I’m going to anyway at the risk of you thinking I’m a cold-hearted mean guy. I’m not – but I am going to show you the juxtaposition. It was AFTER the event in the sandwich shop that this occurred. Not several years, not several months. Days, maybe a week or two…

Slow Learner

It’s not unusual for me to work late. When I’m traveling for work, it’s easy for me to just keep going and miss a meal. Many of you listening know what I’m talking about. Skipping meals isn’t wise, and at the same time, sometimes missing a meal while traveling isn’t the worst thing.
On this particular day, I didn’t eat lunch. Things were busy in the office and I usually try to have a half-way decent bar in my bag for just such an occasion….which if I’m honest, happens more than occasionally! Otherwise, I wouldn’t pack a protein bar around in my bag. Anyhow, I missed lunch. We worked late and the hotel is a short walk from the office.

I drop my stuff at the hotel, I’m looking at my watch, and I’m thinking, okay, it’s about a five-minute walk to the place that’s going to close at 9P and it’s like 850P, so I’m like “perfect, I’ll just barely make it.” So I go get my massive American burrito (because nothing in small in America) and I’m walking back to the hotel.

There are homeless people and panhandlers in most cities. They feature more prominently in some locations than others. I’ve traveled a lot for most of the last 20 years and I think what surprises me the most is their presence in cold temperatures. That is heartbreaking to me.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside – How’s The Temp Inside

Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean we can allow it to get cold inside…inside our hearts, right?!

So on the way to grab my burrito, the thought crosses my mind, that I’m going to have to choose what I do if I encounter one of these folks on the way back to the hotel. It doesn’t matter to me what you call it, but I’m a Christ-follower and I know when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. And this, this is definitely that voice. It’s not commanding or demanding, but it is convicting (not condemning).

So I’m thinking okay, if I encounter a homeless person, I’ll act and hand over my burrito. So get this. It’s not a long walk to the restaurant, it’s several blocks. I get all the way back to the intersection where my hotel is…and…just before the intersection, there he is. The huddled mass of individual humanity sitting in a pile of coat, blanket and whatever else he can find to fight the temps.

And I got a little upset. If you know the voice I’m talking about, I started arguing. But there wasn’t a counter argument. There was no “thus saith the Lord, give thy burrito to thy neighbor.” Nope. Here’s what I heard. “I didn’t tell you to give your burrito. There is no question of obedience here.” So by now, I’ve crossed the street with my precious and headed to the Lobby. And I’m like “right, so let me eat my dang burrito in peace, GOSH!”

Do What You Know To Do

And I hear this deep in my spirit: “You don’t need me to tell you to do good to someone. When you do it, you can trust that you are simply reflecting My goodness to you.” It’s moving to me even as I recount this to you – I am so grateful for God’s goodness – not His blessings, His goodness! So by this time, it’s clear that the choice is mine. I’m in the elevator headed up to my room. I don’t know. I’m on the 24th floor or something. I get up there and I’m like “how am I going to eat this thing?”

I’m not wondering if I’m going to eat tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I’m not wondering if I’m going to eat three times tomorrow. It’s mine if I want it. But somehow, I don’t think that this is the world that the gentleman on the street is living in. He is wondering. Not just about food, but about where he’s going to sleep tonight, maybe if he’ll live through the night. Maybe wishing he wouldn’t.

It’s an easy decision now. I head back down. The elevator takes an eternity to get to the Lobby. I’m on a mission now, right?! I head out of the Lobby to the sidewalk. Make sure I’ve got napkins and a fork in the bag – the hotel is full of them, the street not so much. I get to the intersection and I’m worrying a little. The little mass of man is missing.

This Opportunity Won’t Always Be There

I cross the street, I look. I don’t find him. It’s 10 mins max. I walk around the area. There are some alcoves between the buildings, and I’m looking but finding zero signs of life. No one around ANYWHERE! Now I’m upset for an entirely different reason. I could have made a difference in someone’s life and I didn’t.

Don’t take it for granted, this opportunity to serve won’t always be there for you. I’m not saying there might not be another opportunity to serve a neighbor, to serve a team member, or your leader. Or to serve an elderly neighbor or a need in the community. There will always be a place for you to plug-in and serve. What you might miss is THIS opportunity. The one you face today. This may be the last time this one comes up or around.

So I was meeting with some of my favorite people in the world, the mastermind I participate in weekly with Val Brown and Rick Marion. Rick was talking about a book he is reading called The Rock Warrior’s Way, and how the author, Arno Ilgner shares that when you miss the next grab on a climbing route, there’s a tendency to be hard on yourself and feel like you blew it. You focus on the mistake rather than the opportunity to learn and improve.

Then Val was talking about how we have to focus on showing up. Between the two of them, they made an incredibly important point that is summarized in this quote from Val:

“Show up the best you can every day.” – Val Brown

It really is as simple as that. How do I show up when I don’t feel like doing something? What if I don’t do it as well as I expected to? Do the best you are capable of doing right now, in this moment. Self-esteem and improvement build from the effort, not from always producing desired results.

And that’s why I do this podcast. I’m showing up every week doing the best I’m capable of in each moment. Getting an episode done so I can look at the pretty list and tick a box is not my priority. I’m doing it because I care about the quality of what I deliver to you. I invest in preparing value for you each week. A small principle, a practical step, a useful thought or practice that you can implement to make a change in your life.

There’s nothing worse than the feeling of having an opportunity to make a difference and not. Don’t let that happen to you. Show up full force for the opportunities presented to you today. There is no such thing as wasted effort when you are working to improve your life and the lives of others.

Don’t shortcut – invest in making yourself the best, most capable, equipped leader to serve those you lead. No wasted moments. Willing to give freely – your time, your talents, your money, in the service of man. Don’t let cynicism harden your heart. Think the best about people and assume that you will make an impact with your gift.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

LTL 090: What Is Your Big Dream

Attorney: Woman in GoFundMe case says she was used and set up

Thanks for Listening!

I want to hear from you! Reach out and:

  • Leave a note in the comment section below.
  • Email a question to mark@markslemons.com.
  • Share this show on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn.

Listen to the show using your favorite platform: iTunes | Stitcher | Android | RSS

Finally, I would appreciate your honest review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read each one.

Now, go lead like someone you would want to follow!

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Leader to Leader Podcast Tagged With: Arno Ilgner, charity: water, Johnny Bobbitt, Kate McClure, Mark D'Amico, Rick Marion, Scott Harrison, The Rock Warrior's Way, Val Brown

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • LTL 144: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Four December 9, 2019
  • LTL 143: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Three December 2, 2019
  • LTL 142: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part Two November 25, 2019
  • LTL 141: Global Leadership Summit Takeaways Part One November 18, 2019
  • LTL 140: Consistency Revisisted And The Difficulty Of Things Worthwhile November 11, 2019
  • LTL 139: A Controversy Regarding Forgiveness November 4, 2019
  • LTL 138: The Value Of Humility And Momentum October 28, 2019
  • LTL 137: Move Past Resentment To Take Control Of Your Future October 21, 2019
  • LTL 136: Why Leaders Can’t Afford The High Cost Of Resentment October 14, 2019
  • LTL 135: Four Solid Principles Supporting Team Growth October 7, 2019
  • LTL 134: Distinctives And What Makes Us Different September 30, 2019
  • LTL 133: Responding When Thrust Into The Unexpected September 23, 2019
  • LTL 132: Building People, Teams, and Processes with Micah Rowland Part Two September 16, 2019
  • LTL 131: Building People, Teams, and Processes with Micah Rowland Part One September 9, 2019
  • LTL 130: The Labor Inspector September 3, 2019
  • LTL 129: Your Past Makes You Human August 26, 2019
  • LTL 128: Creating A Thriving Environment For Growth August 19, 2019
  • LTL 127: Overcoming Your Pain To Step Into Your Greatness August 12, 2019
  • LTL 126: Excellence: We Are What We Repeatedly Do August 5, 2019
  • LTL 125: Four Areas Of Focus To Increase Excellence July 29, 2019
  • LTL 124: What Does Excellence Look Like In Leadership July 22, 2019
  • LTL 123: Why Winning Does Not Equal Success July 15, 2019
  • LTL 122: Preventing Expectations From Producing Failure July 8, 2019
  • LTL 121: Taking An Unconventional Path To CEO With Carey Jenkins Part Two July 1, 2019
  • LTL 120: Taking An Unconventional Path To CEO With Carey Jenkins Part One June 24, 2019
  • LTL 119: Obsession, Opportunity, and Superstition June 17, 2019
  • LTL 118: The Business Of Language – An Interview With Lelani Craig Part Two June 10, 2019
  • LTL 117: The Business Of Language – An Interview With Lelani Craig Part One June 3, 2019
  • LTL 116: Why Success Start With Service May 27, 2019
  • LTL 115: To Be A Great Leader You Must Have This May 20, 2019
  • LTL 114: Now That’s A Good Question May 13, 2019
  • LTL 113: The Unintentional Impact Of Careless Conversations May 6, 2019
  • LTL 112: Some Final Thoughts On Liminal Space April 29, 2019
  • LTL 111: The Best Actions To Take During Uncertainty April 22, 2019
  • LTL 110: Getting Comfortable With Uncertainty April 15, 2019
  • LTL 109: Leading While Leaving – When It Was Not Your Choice April 8, 2019
  • LTL 108: Leading While Leaving: My Story April 1, 2019
  • LTL 107: Leading While Leaving – Things You Must Never Do March 25, 2019
  • LTL 106: Leading While Leaving – Things You Must Always Do March 18, 2019
  • LTL 105: Why It’s Good That You Don’t Know Everything March 11, 2019
  • LTL 104: Level Up Your Leadership March 4, 2019
  • LTL 103: Where Are You In The Five Levels Of Leadership February 25, 2019
  • LTL 102: I Need To Set Limits But Where Do I Start February 18, 2019
  • LTL 101: The Art of Female Leadership: An Interview With Manu Sood Part Two February 11, 2019
  • LTL 100: The Art of Female Leadership: An Interview With Manu Sood Part One February 4, 2019
  • LTL 099: Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow January 28, 2019
  • LTL 098: Why You Fail To Connect January 21, 2019
  • LTL 097: Stop Toying With Dragons And Get Intentional January 14, 2019
  • LTL 096: The Definition Of Success January 7, 2019
  • LTL 095: Are You Measuring The Right Things December 31, 2018
  • LTL 094: What You Don’t Know About Stress December 24, 2018
  • LTL 093: On The Edge Of Burnout: The Indicators And How To Stop It December 17, 2018
  • LTL 092: A Burnout Tale December 10, 2018
  • LTL 091: Reducing Resistance When Approached With Need December 3, 2018
  • LTL 090: What Is Your Big Dream November 26, 2018
  • LTL 089: When Trust Is Broken (Part Two): Five Steps To Recovery November 19, 2018
  • LTL 088: When Trust Is Broken (Part One): Five Steps To Restore Trust November 12, 2018
  • LTL 087: The 180-Degree Leader And The Power Of Consistency November 5, 2018
  • LTL 086: 3 Reasons Why Marketing Matters In Leadership October 29, 2018
  • LTL 085: Catch Me If You Can: Detecting Lies When Negotiating October 22, 2018
  • LTL 084: A Massive Advantage As You Prepare For Your Next Negotiation October 15, 2018
  • LTL 083: Wake Up: Lessons From An Uber Driver October 8, 2018
  • LTL 082: Leading When Disaster Strikes October 1, 2018
  • LTL 081: Great Questions: The Key To Growth Part Two September 24, 2018
  • LTL 080: Great Questions: The Key To Growth Part One September 17, 2018
  • LTL 079: Endurance, Entrepreneurship, And Patience: An Interview With Brandon Bruce Part Two September 10, 2018
  • LTL 078: Endurance, Entrepreneurship, And Patience: An Interview With Brandon Bruce Part One September 3, 2018
  • LTL 077: The Question You Should Never Ask When Meeting Someone New August 27, 2018
  • LTL 076: Authentic Relationships As The Basis For EPIC Conversations August 20, 2018
  • LTL 075: Powering Through Discomfort To Authentic Connection August 13, 2018
  • LTL 074: Adapting To Change August 6, 2018
  • LTL 073: Acquiring A Positive Mindset July 30, 2018
  • LTL 072: Assess And Plan To Avoid the Pain Of Inaction July 23, 2018
  • LTL 071: Stop Acting Like The Smartest Person In The Room July 16, 2018
  • LTL 070: Wilting From The Inside Out: Get More Of This Critical Element! July 9, 2018
  • LTL 069: This Ability Will Determine Your Success As A Leader July 2, 2018
  • LTL 068: Reflect and Respond: Don’t React Part Two June 25, 2018
  • LTL 067: Reflect and Respond: Don’t React Part One June 18, 2018
  • LTL 066: Questions That Will Reveal Your Emotional Intelligence June 11, 2018
  • LTL 065: How To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence June 4, 2018
  • LTL 064: On A Scale Of Zombie To Oprah Rate Your Emotional Intelligence May 28, 2018
  • LTL 063: Sleep Facts You Can Use May 21, 2018
  • LTL 062: A Great Response To An Offensive Comment May 14, 2018
  • LTL 061: Recommit To The Battle Against Discouragement May 7, 2018
  • LTL 060: Do You Have Control Of Yourself April 30, 2018
  • LTL 059: Community Service: It’s Not Just For Hardened Criminals On Parole Anymore April 23, 2018
  • LTL 058: The Battle Against Self-Limiting Beliefs: An Interview With Val Brown Part Two April 16, 2018
  • LTL 057: The Battle Against Self-Limiting Beliefs: An Interview With Val Brown Part One April 9, 2018
  • LTL 056: Four Steps To Restore Calm After Losing Your Job April 2, 2018
  • LTL 055: I Have Some Bad News… March 26, 2018
  • LTL 054: A Leader’s Response To Abuse: An Interview With Marty Liccardo Part Two March 19, 2018
  • LTL 053: A Leader’s Response To Abuse: An Interview With Marty Liccardo Part One March 12, 2018
  • LTL 052: Why Consistency Is King March 5, 2018
  • LTL 051: Failure Isn’t Final February 26, 2018
  • LTL 050: Journey From Work Site To Corner Office: An Interview With Tom Jackson Part Two February 19, 2018
  • LTL 049: Journey From Work Site To Corner Office: An Interview With Tom Jackson Part One February 12, 2018
  • LTL 048: Influence Anyone In Seven Minutes Or Less February 5, 2018
  • LTL 047: Maintaining Momentum When Harassed By Hardship January 29, 2018
  • LTL 046: The Number One Priority For Every Leader January 22, 2018
  • LTL 045: How To Get The Feedback You Need January 15, 2018
  • LTL 044: Four Perspectives On Service January 8, 2018
  • LTL 043: Why Looking Forward Can Be As Distracting As Looking Back January 1, 2018
  • LTL 042: Leaders Listen December 25, 2017
  • LTL 041: Brag, Swag, or Sway: Why You Must Talk About Yourself – Part Two December 18, 2017
  • LTL 040: Brag, Swag or Sway: Why You Must Talk About Yourself – Part One December 11, 2017
  • LTL 039: The Most Difficult Person To Lead December 4, 2017
  • LTL 038: Respect: Stop Building Your Resume And Start Building A Legacy November 27, 2017
  • LTL 037: Unity: Primary Ingredient For Producing Exceptional Results November 20, 2017
  • LTL 036: Optimism: Greatness Awaits You November 13, 2017
  • LTL 035: Fortitude: Six Steps To Increase Your Ability To Endure November 6, 2017
  • LTL 034: A Consistent Trait Found In Great Leaders October 30, 2017
  • LTL 033: Your Higher Purpose: An Interview With Kevin Monroe October 23, 2017
  • LTL 032: No Excuses: Never Count A Great Leader Out October 16, 2017
  • LTL 031: Lonely At The Top: Tearing Down A Popular Leadership Myth October 9, 2017
  • LTL 030: Leading Through The Pain October 2, 2017
  • LTL 029: How To Cope With Difficult People September 25, 2017
  • LTL 028: The Floundering Founder: Character Matters For Great Leaders September 18, 2017
  • LTL 027: Your Leadership Ability Determines Your Effectiveness September 11, 2017
  • LTL 026: The Power Of Purposeful Connection September 4, 2017
  • LTL 025: Why You Must Resist The Urge To Settle August 28, 2017
  • LTL 024: Five Things I Learned At Influence & Impact August 21, 2017
  • LTL 023: Dream Stealers: Handling Encounters With Those Who Do Not Get You August 14, 2017
  • LTL 022: Are You My Type? More Tools For Building Team Trust August 7, 2017
  • LTL 021: Building Team Trust With Vulnerability July 31, 2017
  • LTL 020: The Science Of Trust: Characteristics Of Male And Female Leaders July 24, 2017
  • LTL 019: Can You Guess What Your Team Wants More Than Anything? July 17, 2017
  • LTL 018: Leading Without Manipulating July 10, 2017
  • LTL 017: Leading When No One Else Is July 3, 2017
  • LTL 016: Five Familiar Communication Challenges: Which One Will You Commit To Avoid? June 26, 2017
  • LTL 015: Leadership Advice From 30 Years In The Corner Office June 19, 2017
  • LTL 014: What To Do When Your Attitude Is Causing Your Implosion June 12, 2017
  • LTL 013: At The Roots: Leadership Lessons From A Charter High School June 5, 2017
  • LTL 012: I Do Not Need You May 29, 2017
  • LTL 011: Nothing To See Here…Move Along Please May 22, 2017
  • LTL 010: Brand vs Wild with Jonathan David Lewis May 15, 2017
  • LTL 009: You Want To Do What? May 8, 2017
  • LTL 008: Helping Women Live A Rich Life May 1, 2017
  • LTL 007: What To Do When You Are Asked To Compromise Your Integrity April 24, 2017
  • LTL 006: Uh This Does Not Look Like I Thought It Would April 17, 2017
  • LTL 005: What To Do When You Are Overworked And Underappreciated April 10, 2017
  • LTL 004: How To Get A Promotion When Your Boss Doesn’t Even Know Your Name April 3, 2017
  • LTL 003: What To Do When Team Morale Is Lower Than Congress Approval Rating March 27, 2017
  • LTL 002: What To Do When Your New Boss Is 20 Years Younger Than You March 20, 2017

Copyright © 2023 · Digital Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy